Diary: Page 4

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     July 25, 2000

     *** has gone to her sister's to stay--she'd rather get rid of her cat, and go live elsewhere, than get a job and contribute to the family. She wants to be treated as an adult, since she is now 18, but she doesn't want any of the responsibilities that go along with it. She's been seen sneaking out at 4:00 in the morning, going through her bedroom window--and I've had enough!
     We plan on renting out her room to my brother-in-law, who still lives at home. She has burnt her own bridges...she won't take her meds, won't help the family, only wants to sleep and eat, and has the attitude from hell.
     Will write more as things develop...

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     August 17, 2000

     **** has decided once and for all to stay at her sister's, even if it means sporadic meals, dealing with three young children, and no privacy. It also means she most likely won't finish high school, I'm afraid.
     Whatever she would've decided would have been upsetting,to tell the truth--it's been so peaceful around here, andthe food lasts an unbelievable amount of time without her constant snacking. But at least she would've been attending school, and I'd know she was okay...
     I'll write again soon.

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     September 4, '00

     **** is still at her sister's. She wanted to come back here just for 5 weeks, the first block of school, and not get a job. When I said, "no, that's not the way we're doing this", she got angry, and got off the 'phone. I think that she is getting tired of watching her nephews, and thought that she'd just come back until her sister moves into the new house with her boyfriend, and get a break from babysitting. I've been going through her room, packing stuff up, and have already found a lot of my things that would have "disappeared" if I hadn't gotten in there first. Still lots of things missing, and one earring from each of my three pairs of good earrings are still unaccounted for.
     Her brother may be going into the Navy; the recruiter is interested in him because of his AZVAB scores, and wants him to continue his education in the Navy to become a nuclear technician. Hey, I'm his mom, and I'm impressed!
     This coming Tuesday (Sept. 11th), I am going to go to classes for tax preparation, and possibly work for H&R Block starting in December. Then, if my health stands up to it, I'll see about getting a parttime job, and slowly get back into the workforce again.
     Talk to you again soon!!

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     February 25, '01

     Has it really been this long since I wrote in here??? Things have changed so much! Let me fill you in--
     I wasn't able to complete the classses for H&R Block, because I started having severe panic attacks. Am on meds for them now.
        **** is back home. She went back to school, but then dropped out again. She's supposed to be looking for a job, but there's not a lot of effort being put into it. We wrote a contract when she came home, and since the agreement was that she go to school or get a job and pay for room and board, she has been given two weeks notice from me. She hasn't been helping
around here, either, and I'm quickly getting fed up.
     The day after **** came home, her older sister was evicted from her apartment, and they all ended up with me. I was frantic! Her older sister left to be with her boy-friend, so I did what I could--I arranged for the middle grandson to go stay with his brother and the brother's father, and kept the oldest grandson with me. He's still with me, and I've rapidly grown used to him being here. I'm trying to get ***** over here and get something signed showing that I have custody, so that I can get him into school and all, but she's being as irresponsible with that as she has been with everything else.
     We bought a house, a fixer-upper, and my grandson has his own room. When my son leaves in July to go into the Navy, my brother-in-law will move into his room. Don't know if **** will still be here or not, at that point. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but feel that we can do it, and make the place our own.
     ****'s friend is also staying with us right now--her father threw her out when he found out that she is pregnant. This is her third child--she's 18. The
other two have been given away. What is wrong with these kids???
     Gotta go--making chicken and dumplings, and need to bone out the chicken. Anyone want to come for dinner?
     Later--!

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     March 3, 2001

     **** got a job!! Not much, fast food at minimum wage, but it's a job, she got it herself, and today was her first day. I hope she keeps it--

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     July 25, 2001

     ****'s friend no longer stays here--she was supposed to be paying me rent, and chose instead to spend all her money on music, etc. She left the state. Oh, and she lost the baby.
     **** didn't keep the fast food job--got caught leaving the store to talk to the cute guys that worked at the pizza place next door to her job, and was fired. Is now working at a Cigarettes for Cheaper location, and loves it because she can smoke on the job.
     Still has a major attitude problem, but of course, she can't see it. Neighbors and family dread talking to her, because she always makes it seem like she's mad at everyone. I'm telling you, she can be so sweet when she wants to be, but she thinks that the two extremes should balance out, rather than try for a more evenly balanced temper all the time.
     She had a boyfriend that she got very close to, but when the rest of us went to Salt Lake City for a family reunion in June, she slept with him, and he ended it. Now she's bitter, and that doesn't help her overall attitude.
     **** is in group counseling for 12 weeks, 3 hours at a whack, and I'm hoping it will help. It was court-ordered, and she has to pay for it. She also has to keep a job or be in school. This is all in relation to a citation she was issued right after she turned 18, last year. Can't hurt, right?
     I have contacted the local child protection services in our area to see what can be done about getting the paperwork done for me having my grandson with me, in my custody. I've been afraid to do this before, because I'm afraid that his mother will try to take him back, when her back is against the wall. I have to do something, though.  He should start kindergarten next month, and she doesn't have his birth certificate, his Social Security card, or his shot record. I also need a notarized, handwritten statement from her, giving me custody, and she's always too busy to do that, either. So frustrating!! You would think that a mother would want to see that her children get the best, even if they are no longer with her. She's not even working now, since she injured her knee, and STILL can't find the time!
     My son leaves for the Navy this next week, and I'm already feeling the loss. He and I are so close. He turned 18 yesterday--where does the time go?? He's a very special young man, and the void will be immense.
     Will update this again soon. Hope all is well with those of you who take the time to keep up with this.

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     August 6, 2001

     First, **** has been fighting with my grandson all day, but is being nice now--I'm going nuts.
     Had surgery on my nose to help stem the nosebleeds that I've been experiencing. Went to the doctor today to get the stitches and splints out of my nose. I can't believe the size of those "splint" things! Must've been 3" by 1 1/2", and about 1/4" thick. Hard plastic. He just pulled those puppies out with tweezers--ACK!! Never thought that anything that size would fit into my nose!
     **** is still working. She had a heavy metal pole falldown on her head the other day, and after she went to the hospital and they told her that she hadn't scrambled her brain, she went back to work. She is much better about working than when she first started way back when.
     Will go for now, and talk to you again soon.

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     May, 2002

     Well, let's see--**** lost her job, got another right away, and proceded to lose that one, too. She has just the last few weeks started working again, and wasn't going to school, either. Today she's moving into an apartment with a friend of hers--I won't let her come back again. I've played the fool for her and her sister too many times!
     The relationship she had last year went sour, and she fell right into another one with a psycho who stole, stalked, and threatened me in my own home--I had to call 911, and have him escorted off the property by an officer. During the time he was here, we had $120 stolen, two $35 gift cards for Wal-Mart that I had put in the two other grandsons' Christmas stockings, and a lot of my classic rock cassette tapes. It was a nightmare.
     The man she in involved with now is much older than she is (by 10 years--he's 29, she's almost 20). He's divorced, with 2 beautiful little girls that he sees every other weekend. **** gets along well with the girls. He's a giant sweetheart, and I hope she doesn't scare him off!
     **** is being very bitchy to me today--she's feeling a lot of different emotions, like fear of being on her own for he first time. The attitude has to go, though--I won't put up with it, even if it is only for the weekend while she gets her things moved.
     Now, on to the other daughter--she came to me in mid-Sept., in tears, asking if she could stay for the remainder of the month, since she had nowhere to go. I agreed--again. She just left this week, in mid-May. Longest two weeks on record! No rent paid, no money to help with groceries or utilities, and she kept the child support she gets for Nathan and gave me very little to help defray the cost of raising her son. So, Charlie and I have been supporting two able-bodied adults for months now. It's been a lot to ask of Charlie, and I won't do it again.   She was going to school to become a medical assistant, but she dropped out--she also went through at least 6 jobs while she was here.
     **** and her sister got into a hair-pulling, nail-gouging fight last week--the third one since Christmas. I got them apart and into their rooms, and shut the
doors, so I could find out what had started the whole thing, and check out damages. **** had bleeding gouges on her arms from her sister. It turns out that the whole thing had started with an argument about a shirt!
     Then I went across the hall to my oldest daughter, who proceded to scream at me about how I loved **** more, since I had gone in to talk to her first! She told me that I could KEEP her son, that he was the only reason that I allowed her to stay here in the first place. I told her that it wasn't true--I had let her stay because she had been homeless, because she had told me that she had been diagnosed with cervical and uterine cancer, and that I had thought I could help by giving her somewhere to stay while she got a job and started school. She kept screaming at me, about 3 inches away from my face. I told her that if she didn't stop, I would slap her--at which time she informed me that she would slap me back. My son, who was home on a visit from the Navy, (he's studying to become a nuclear technician on fast-attack subs) held me while I cried hysterically. She will not be allowed to come back, either.
     A lot of other stuff happened that same week to make it the week from hell. I hope never to go through another one for a long time.
     On the up-side--Mother's Day was nice, since all the kids were on their best behavior. My son bought me a beautiful music box with a custom-installed movement ("Unchained Melody"--my favorite), and Charlie gave me three little gold rings to put in it. **** had made picture frames with her boyfriend's daughters for their mom, and she gave me one.
     I PROMISE--it won't be as long next time!! How could I have stayed out of here for almost a year? :)

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     September 13, 2002

     Friday, the 13th--maybe I'll just go get back into bed and stay there until tomorrow. It's already off to a bad start--Charlie came home and told me that the brakes on the Bronco are scraping metal on metal. They were fine yesterday--!
     As of yesterday, **** still wasn't working. Supposedly, she is going job hunting today with a girlfriend. She's been out of work since June. She
somehow got the rent paid for this month, for which I'm glad--she had asked several times if she could move back in here if she was evicted, and I had told her 'no'. One of the hardest hings I've ever had to do. She has been going out a lot to clubs, and then sleeping in the next morning, and not looking for employment. I'm not going to have her stay here, and have her expect me to run her around to put in applications, take her to job interviews, and then transport her to and from the job she ends up getting. That's what it was like before! I have allowed her to do her laundry here, and have given her food to take home, but that's the extent of the help that I can give. We're having severe financial problems, and can't afford the groceries and additional utilities
for another adult. We already have Charlie's brother living here, and he only pays $200 a month room and board! But Charlie feels a responsibility for him (his brother has a diminished mental capacity), and won't charge him any more than that.
     The oldest daughter hasn't come around for over a week now. She doesn't call her son, or come see him, even though she is just minutes away. Nathan's dad lives closeby, also, but hasn't seen him in several weeks. It makes me sad. They're missing so much with him--and he's such a neat kid. The other day, in the grocery store, he was repeatedly saying, "Grandma, Grandma, Grandma", and I told him that I had changed my name. He looked at me with a smirk on his face and said, "Don't tell me--George Washington??" Smart aleck. He's very loving, gives lots of hugs and kisses, and is really enjoying first grade. He can't wait to read!
     My ex-husband is marrying on the 21st, and my son has been asked to be the best man, so he will be home from South Carolina to visit next weekend! Yay! He was here Labor Day weekend--called me and was complaining that he had been given homework for the long weekend, that he was bored, yada yada yada. The doorbell rang, and my husband answered the door. I didn't hear any conversation between Charlie and whoever it was, so I switched to the cordless phone, and went to peek at who it was. There stood Keith, talking to me on his cell phone! I screamed and dropped the phone--then I picked it up and said into it, "What are you doing home?!" When I realized what I was doing, I hung up, and went to hug the stuffin's out of him. He was home for 4 days, and I loved every minute of it.
     Nothing much else to tell--it has been pretty active in the support group. There are several people who are regulars, and the roster of members changes daily--which is good, because you get the fresh ideas and slants on things from the newbies, and the stability of the regulars.
     We start the downhill slide into the holiday season soon--Halloween is next month. Nathan is already plotting what he will wear!
     Talk to you again soon, and thanks for coming by!

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